A Short Story

In this photo I was 100 yards away from the finish line where I finished first place in my division (women) in the largest race held in my City.

At the time I didn't even know, when you run a race with 30,000 people you don't know what the hell is going on outside of your muscles and playlist. That day was unique because I was recognized on a level previously far out of my reach. I'm not showcasing the win here.

That year I ran every single day.

I mean every single day. My family would worry as it stormed at 9 PM, or when it was below freezing, or when I took my long routes which lead to being gone for an hour and a half at night. Had I focused solely on just winning I would've never made it that far. I only focused on what I could do everyday, and I de-emotionalized from training.

When you want something, it could be anything - a body, ten figures, a soulmate, your own clothing line, a beach house worth 20 million, or a TV show....Whatever you want you can have it. Wants are a very intimate commitment.

You have to commit to yourself. It's an inside job entirely. Running was a commitment - I had a vague idea I wanted to be great. I wanted to be great for a very dark reason. But that was fuel. I knew I had to do what others wouldn't do. No rest days. There was so much gray area, it felt crippling some days. Running the same routes, suiciding playlists, replacing shoes every month, starting with agony and ending with glory. I hate running, but I love my story. I had to teach myself discipline, and de-emotionalize.

If you want anything you can have it. You have to commit to it on a level that will change your life. You must find fuel everyday. You must work towards it everyday. You must know with absolute certainty you will attain it. When you feel like quitting, you must keep going.

I didn't run for a month after this. Because I knew I had won the part of me I had to beat - the part that said "I couldn't" or "I don't feel like it", and show her "you absolutely will".